The Book That Changed Everything: In Memoriam by Alice Winn

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them. For me, that curveball was a horrendous divorce. The ones you hear of that leaves you questioning everything and wondering where you go from here. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t pretty but it was absolutely necessary. In the ongoing aftermath I decided it was time to focus on myself, something I’d neglected for far too long.

Cue the self-care journey. And no, not the Instagram version with sheet masks and matcha lattes (though I have been converted and now love a good matcha). This was about real self-care: improving my mental health, investing in my physical well-being and finding joy in the small things again. Less screen time, more me time. And part of that journey was reading.

It had been years since I’d read anything more than a news headline or a grocery receipt. The idea of picking up a book again felt daunting and frankly intimidating. How do you choose when you’ve been out of the loop for so long? I wanted something meaningful, something that would grip me from the first page. I spent hours walking around Waterstones, checking out the book recommendations, reading blurbs and wondering if I’d ever find “the one.”

Then I came across In Memoriam by Alice Win (ironically in Sainsburys before my weekly food shop). The blurb stopped me in my tracks. A story about forbidden love between two young men during the harrowing reality of World War I? It sounded like everything I didn’t know I was looking for. A tale of love, loss and resilience…how could I resist?

With In Memoriam tucked into my carry-on I boarded a plane to Spain for a much needed break. A week in the sun and some space to reflect. I didn’t expect what actually transpired. I opened the book mid-flight thinking I’d read a chapter or two to pass the time as there were no movies onboard. By the time the plane landed I was hooked.

Alice Winn’s prose is nothing short of stunning. It’s lyrical without being pretentious. The story is deeply emotional without feeling forced. The story follows Henry Gaunt and Sidney Ellwood. These two young men are grappling with the horrors of war and the undeniable pull of their love for one another. The setting is brutal but their relationship is a beacon of hope amidst the chaos.

The characters are so raw, so human, that they feel like old friends. Gaunt with his quiet strength and unspoken vulnerability then Ellwood with his charm and poetic soul. They are the kind of protagonists who stay with you long after you’ve turned the last page. Their story isn’t an easy one. Far from it. But it’s real and that’s what makes it so powerful.

As I read, something shifted in me. This wasn’t just a book. It was a mirror reflecting so many things I’d been feeling but hadn’t been able to articulate. The themes of love and loss are central but and midst of chaos a sense finding yourself hits close to home. Gaunt and Ellwood’s journey felt like a reminder that even in the darkest times there is beauty and more importantly the possibility of hope.

On a personal level it reignited my love for reading. After years of feeling disconnected, this book reminded me why I’d fallen in love with stories in the first place. It wasn’t just about escaping into another world. It was about seeing pieces of myself in the characters, feeling their emotions and finding comfort in their journeys.

Winn doesn’t sugarcoat the realities of war or the challenges of being queer in a time when it was dangerous to be yourself. But she also doesn’t let those realities overshadow the humanity of her characters. Gaunt and Ellwood are allowed to be messy, complicated and deeply flawed. This is exactly what makes them unforgettable. But more than that, In Memoriam helped me see my own life in a new light.

If you’re looking for a book that will stay with you long after you’ve finished it this is the one. It’s beautifully written, deeply emotional, yet utterly gripping. Yes, it’s a love story but it’s so much more than that. It’s a reminder of the strength it takes to keep going, to hold on to love and hope even when the odds are stacked against you.

So thank you Alice Winn. You’ve created something truly extraordinary. In Memoriam didn’t just reignite my love for reading, it changed my perspective on life and for that I’ll always be grateful. If you haven’t read In Memoriam yet do yourself a favour and pick up a copy. Follow the link below to my Amazon Page. It’s not just a book, it’s an experience. One that I hope will resonate with you as deeply as it did with me.

Queerly Yours, Daniel